Finding the Joy

Leaving the very small, loving community that was my last preschool was tough. And as I become more involved with the public schools, I realize how truly special it was.

Why do I teach preschool? It is not a well paying job. I have to spend my own money on occasion to perform my job. There is an enormous amount of work involved, and my job doesn't end when the school day ends. I get kicked, spit on, bitten, pinched and scratched; I have to change clothes covered in pee, vomit and worse. I come home from work sometimes so tired that I can barely be a loving parent.

Yeah, my job sucks. I need to quit.

But I LOVE my job. The absolute joy I feel when I connect with a young child is hard to describe. The giddy excitement I feel when a child makes a discovery makes every time I get a mouthful of an uncovered sneeze worth it. I am helping these little tiny people learn to navigate their world; teaching them how to be wonderful human beings and enthusiastic learners.

Working in this new environment has exposed me to people who don't find the same innate joy in their profession as I do. Which leads me to this question I constantly ask...

If you don't love teaching, then why do you do it? It is not a lucrative position....

I overheard a conversation between a couple of colleagues a few months ago. They were discussing a student who was challenging in the classroom. "I just hate him" one preschool teacher said to the other.

This conversation made my heart hurt. How in the world is it possible to hate a preschooler? Yes, they can make you crazy. Yes, certain behaviors can drive you nuts. And certainly the 1000th time you say "use your words" to the habitual biter makes you want to head straight to the nearest bar. But hate? In my world, never.

The behavior of a preschool aged child is learned. The behaviors they bring into the classroom are what they have used in their home to get the attention they crave. Good attention, bad attention, at age 3, 4, 5 (and older...) is all the same to a young child. To work under the assumption that a young child is just being a pill just to bug you, or to make your life difficult, or to ruin your well thought out lesson plan is ridiculous. They are three, and they are behaving the only way they know how. It is up to me, their preschool teacher, to figure out where the behavior is coming from, and then teach them how to behave appropriately.

But, there is that word, "appropriate". What is appropriate? I really shouldn't toss that term about, because it really should be directed at the adults in the preschool classroom.

A teacher of young children needs to adjust their expectations to abilities of the current group of children they are teaching. The group dynamic is different every year, and what works like a dream one year may be a miserable failure the next. Embrace the challenge.

So...that child that makes you crazy. That you may even "hate" (ugh, it hurts even to type that word); figure out why. Many times, the expectations that have been set out for him are unattainable, and he expresses his frustration the only way he knows how.

Maybe he lives in a busy household, and the only time his grown-ups acknowledge him is when he acts out. Acknowledge him for his good choices and ignore the wrong ones. Praise him for even the smallest victories (good job not hitting your friend in the last 2 minutes, woo-hoo!!)

Maybe there is turmoil in his home life, and the only way he can deal is acting out at school. Make school a respite for him. Create a safe and loving environment where he feels comfortable and happy. Let him know the minute he walks into the classroom he is cherished and loved, and his day will be one of discovery and fun. Sometimes, this child just needs to be held. Hold him.

Maybe he is bored. Figure out what interests this child. Challenge him. Boredom is huge. If your students are running around like crazy people and refuse to make good choices, the problem is your classroom, not the kiddos. Change it up.

Maybe there is something misfiring in the way his brain processes sensory input and information. Early intervention is key to helping children with these types of challenges. Although, I hesitate to throw out this as a reason for challenging behavior. It is important to understand that the inability to sit still for long periods of time is not necessarily a sign of ADHD or autism. It is usually a sign of being three.

Every year I have a child who comes to me with challenging behavior. My secret to effectively teaching and engaging with this child is to find the joy in that child.

Every child has joy in them. It may be the way the crinkle their eyes when they smile. Or the way they understand my dry sense of humor. Or how they approach every activity with their entire body. Or how their face lights up when they make a discovery. Or simply the way they grab my hand when walking to the playground.

I find the joy, concentrate on it, and soon I am able to find the joy in every part of that child, even the parts that drive me nuts. The child knows that I care for them, no matter what, and a relationship built on mutual trust is born. Even when a bad choice is made, they know (because I tell them and show them) that I will always care for them. We work together to learn from mistakes, and how to make good choices.

And truth be told, as much as I try to teach them, those kiddos with the challenging behavior teach me so much more. And my most challenging students are the ones who find the biggest place in my heart.

Early childhood educators who see a child with behavior issues as a problem instead of a wonderful opportunity of mutual growth are missing out on one of the very best things about teaching young children.

Love my job.

Watching Them Grow

It is no secret that I truly love my job. I can talk non-stop about preschool, and the kids, and what they're learning, and how they're growing, for hours. And one of the best parts is watching these kids grow. Not physically, although that is always amazing, but socially and emotionally. We teachers work very hard to provide our students the tools they need to navigate in the world. We strive to teach them empathy, conflict resolution and self-reliance. And the absolute joy I feel when I see my students put to use what we've worked so hard to teach is...well...it is AWESOME. I have been known to cry.

Our little preschool offers a fabulous summer program every summer. Every summer, several students new to the program join us for the summer to get them ready for preschool in the fall. Last summer, one of our new students was Mark. Mark was painfully shy and had never been to preschool before. Preschool, I think, can be a pretty intimidating place to a child, even if you do your best to make it as friendly and inviting as possible.

Mark really had no idea how to interact with his peers. He wasn't sure how to initiate play, he didn't know how to join in play, wasn't sure how to go about asking for a turn, and was completely helpless if another child took a toy away from. He was so overwhelmed with everything, that he spent a lot of time under tables, crying.

So we started to work with him, and give him the tools he needed. And little by little, Mark came out of his shell, and gained his confidence. We cheered the first time he asked a group of kids, "Can I play with you?". We were beside ourselves when he approached a friend for the first time and said, "Do you want to play with me?". And when he finally had the confidence to tell a child, "Please don't do that, I don't like that, you can have a turn when I'm done!", we all congratulated ourselves on a job well done. The jumping up and down and cheering came when he tentatively started to make mischief. We knew then he had finally come into his own.

(For the record, Mark was not my student, his teacher, Mrs. M., deserves the credit for helping with his social and emotional development).

Well, here it is summer again, and Mark has joined us for our summer program again. He is a leader in the group, showing the younger ones the ropes and being a good and kind friend. Of course, we have several new students, and Mark is so patient with the kids who just don't know how things are at school.

I witnessed this exchange last week....

A little boy who is new to the program, Todd, went up to Mark and tried to take the hammer out of Mark's hand. Mark, very patiently says, "I am using the hammer now, you can have a turn when I am done."

Todd makes another grab for the hammer. Mark: "I am using this, wait for your turn."

Todd wedges his way between Mark and the nail that Mark was hammering. Mark: "I don't like that, you are in the way and you could get hurt. Please get out of my way."

Todd, still firmly in the way starts grabbing at the hammer and shoving Mark. Mark's patience has run out, and he is clearly frustrated and starts yelling, "I don't like that! Wait for your turn! You can have a turn when I'm done!" It was like he opened up his tool box of ways to deal with conflict and used up every tool he had. He looks up at me, throws his hands in the air and shrugs his shoulders and gives the non-verbal "I got nothing left, here, Mrs.V."

I walk over to physically remove Todd from the situation, and start him down the road of how to resolve conflicts in preschool ("Mark is using that hammer. I bet if you asked him if you could use it when he was done, he would say yes"). As I walk away, Mark says, "That boy really needs to go to preschool."

And, we have come full circle. How awesome is that?




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Preschool to a Three Year Old

Imagine coming to preschool for the first time. You arrive at a brand new place, filled with a lot of kids you don't know, and a lot of grown-ups you don't know. The grown-ups seem nice, but why do they come on so strong? Why do I have to give this lady a high five? I have no idea who she is. She's my teacher? And a teacher is what exactly? And, wait a minute, MOM IS LEAVING ME HERE??????? With all these people I don't know????? What if I need to go potty? What if I don't know where I am supposed to go? .......sniff....

OK, these toys are pretty fun. I LOVE this truck. This is the coolest truck I've ever seen! I am going to make it go down this hill and pick up some....hey! Wait! I was playing with that. That is MY truck. Well, I am going to grab it out of your hand and then hit you with it. That will show you to take my truck. The teacher just told me to "use my words". I thought that is what I did.

Circle time? What is that?? Nope, I will stay here and play with this awesome truck. Why does the teacher keep telling me I have to come sit with her for Circle Time when I don't even know what that is?

Ohhhh, Circle Time means the teacher is reading us a story. I love stories. Why didn't the teacher say "read a story" instead of "Circle Time"? I wouldn't have thrown my truck across the room if I had known we were reading stories.

Oh no, I have to go potty. Really bad. I don't remember where the potty is, and I don't know how to unbutton my new shorts....sniff..

Wow, my teacher knew I needed to go potty, and she helped me unbutton my shorts. And then she stood outside the door in case I needed help. She seems pretty nice, I wonder what her name is?

Hey! That is MY truck. You can't have it. I am going to take it from you, because I want to play with it NOW! My teacher is saying I can't play with it because you are playing with it. So? I want to play with it NOW!!! I was playing with it and it is the only thing I want to play with and I don't want to wait until it is my turn and what is a "turn" anyway and I want that truck and I am going to hit you because that is my truck and.....sniff....

Teacher just said I could play with play dough while I waited for Jack to finish playing with the truck. I LOVE play dough. And teacher just gave me a different truck, and look! I can push my truck through the play dough and the wheels make tracks! This is so fun, now I am going to cover the whole truck in play dough and...

is that paint? There is paint here? I love painting. I want to paint! I want to paint right now! That girl is painting, I want to paint too. I wonder if I could just paint with her?

That girl started to cry when I painted with her, I thought my painting looked good and then she started to cry and teacher said "Let's find you a place to paint" but that girl is still crying and I just wanted to paint and I don't think I want to paint by myself.....sniff...

Teacher made me a place to paint right next to Ann. Ann isn't crying anymore and she said she likes pink. Ann said my painting was good. Ann is pretty. I am having so much fun painting next to Ann and we are both three years old and what? We get to go outside now? I LOVE playing outside!

This sandbox is the best sandbox ever. Teacher put the hose in the sandbox and showed me and Jack how to make rivers. She got really dirty. I am really dirty but Teacher said that is what laundry is for. She gave us little boats to float down our river and I think Jack is the best kid ever. We are going to make our river longer and race our boats and...

Why are we going in? I want to play in the sand! Why can't I stay outside? Why does Teacher keep changing things? What does "line up" mean? I don't want to stand next to that boy. I want to stand next to Jack. Now Teacher is telling me to sing. I don't know this song. I want to play in the sand. I am going back to play in the sand. Teacher just told me it was time to line up, but it really is time to play in the sand. I don't like this song and I don't want to sing, and I don't know what "line up" is and I don't want to go back in and what is snack time and.....sniff....

Wait-snack time means we get to eat! I am so hungry! I love carrots. What? I can only have three? What does "pass" mean? I am really hungry, if I give the bowl to the person next to me I might not get more. I will give him one. Why do I have to pass the whole bowl? I know how to give out a carrot. OK, here's the bowl. "Teacher!! Jack took a lot of carrots, you said take three!" I am going to take those carrots off Jack's plate because he took too many and, oowwww, why did Jack just hit me? He took too many carrots, and owwwww.......sniff...

Teacher is holding my hand and asking me if I am OK. I guess I am OK. She tells Jack that hitting hurts, and that we don't hit friends at school. Jack asked me if I am OK and I say yes and we give high fives. Jack is my best friend.

MOM IS HERE!!! She asks me if I had a good day at school. Ohhhh, this is school! I LOVE school. When do I get to come back? I love my teacher, mom, she made rivers! Who is Mrs. Velarde, and how would I know if she was nice?






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Lunch Conversation at Preschool

Our little preschool offers an after school program, where children can stay for an extra two hours after the school day is over. They can play on the playground, do crafts, and generally just have fun. They also get to eat lunch, which they bring from home.

I had the privilege of working Stay 'N' Play this year, and got to eat lunch with the students nearly every day. This is always fun. A highlight for the kids is when they ask me to help them open their fruit cup or yogurt. Because, inevitably, without fail, I would spill whatever it was that I was opening down the front of me. By the end of the year, I could seriously rock the "yogurt down the chest with Dole peaches splashed on top" look. My own kids absolutely loved it when I picked them up from their school sporting this look.

One of the best parts of working Stay 'N' Play for me was simply talking with the kids. I love listening to how they interact with each other, the things they say and how no matter how outrageous the lunch conversation might be, no one under the age of 6 ever bats an eyelash. Those older than 6? Well, I for one have blown Diet Pepsi out my nose on more than one occasion.

The following is a lunch conversation that took place during the last week of school....


Lynn: I haven't pooped in a long time.

Kobey: I pooped just now. It stank.

Lynn: My mom says I need to poop everyday. She said my poops are all stuck in my butt.

Lilly: Why would they want to stay in your butt? Mine always want to come out.

Lynn: My mom says I need to eat different food to make the poop come out. I have an apple and a bagel (holds them up for all to see). She said if I eat these the poops will come out.

Me: Well, go ahead and eat them.

Lynn: But I don't want them to come out here!

Me: It will take at least an hour for that food to make the poops come out. Your mom will be here before then.

Lynn looks at me doubtfully as she begins to munch on her apple.

Lilly, to me: Do you know Zack?

Me: Yep (Zack is Lilly's older brother, and one of my former students)

Lilly, to everyone else: Well, Zack, he is my brother, and he is a dude. Dude means he is a boy.

Everyone else: nods in understanding and agreement.

Lynn: I don't have a dude for a brother. I only have a sister. Who's a girl.

Lilly: Well, since Zack is a dude, he has a penis. And I am not allowed to touch his penis because that is his private place. Mom tells me over and over to respect his privacy.

Bob: I have a penis - does that mean I am a dude?

Lilly: Yep. Only dudes get to have a penis.

Bob: You know what I have? (I am expecting the worst here) A new Lego set.

Kobey: Cool!

Lilly: I don't like legos.

Lynn: My dad likes Legos.

Me: I love Legos, but I can't make cool things out of them

Bob, with exasperated eye roll: No, you can't, Mrs. Velarde, Legos are for KIDS.

And so the conversation continued in that vein. I think they eventually jumped to Star Wars. What struck me about this whole exchange is that I was the only one freaking out about the topic selections. Everyone calmly ate their sandwiches and drank their juice boxes while I was was mentally trying to figure out how to delicately change topics without anyone's feelings getting hurt or causing some other emotional damage. But my intervention was not needed, because, to little ones, talking about their body is as natural as talking about their toys.

Gosh, wouldn't it be nice to have that ability as an adult?

Colleague: Wow, you seem a little off today.

Me: My poops are stuck in my butt.

Colleague: Did you eat an apple? That always makes my poops come out.

Me: No, but thanks for the advice!

Yeah, that will never happen.....






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My Ears Heard You....

At our little preschool we have two raised gardens - one is for planting and one is for digging. The Planting Garden is where classes transplant their bean sprouts, plant seeds, and observe how cool it is to see what you plant actually grow. The Digging Garden, is for, well, digging. We put earth worms in the Digging Garden, as well as lady bugs. This year we have had a ton of pill bugs, and our miniature entomologists have been having a field day. The Digging Garden is also where Patton lives.

Well, we are almost to May, and all the students know the rules of the gardens. You dig in the Digging Garden and you simply observe in the Planting Garden - no digging and NO PULLING UP THE PLANTS. And since about January, everyone has pretty much accepted this rule, and abides by it as well. It has been easier to enforce because everyone is excited about the plants they have planted, and they don't want to pull them out.

Everyone except Lilly. For some reason, Lilly got it in her head this week that she was going to pull out all of the brand new sprouts in our Planting Garden. She was stopped twice by Mrs. D.. who reminded her of the rules. This, however did nothing to deter Lilly from her mission. As soon as Mrs. D. walked away, she resumed her task. I watched her get back to pulling and immediately reminded her (again) of the rules....

"Lilly, you may not pull the plants out of the garden. We planted these so we could watch them grow. You need to leave them alone. This is is the third time we have reminded you to stop pulling out the plants." For some reason, I always tell students how many times I have told them something. Like they are really interested that I keep score. This method doesn't work with my own kids, and the preschool kids really don't care either how many times I say something. They probably think I am just patting myself on the back. (Look how many times I can repeat the same thing. I rock.)

Lilly's response to my reprimand was to simply continue with what she was doing without even skipping a beat. She barely made eye contact.

Taken aback (I usually at least get eye contact), I changed my tone to be more "mom" in nature and I grabbed her hand as it was just about to yank out another innocent seedling. I got right down on her level, and then, I middle named her...

"Lilly Jane Davis, you MAY NOT pull out the plants!! These plants are NOT YOURS. Your friends planted these plants and you MAY NOT PULL THEM OUT!! You need to STOP RIGHT NOW! If you want to pull out plants, let's go pull weeds out of the other garden."

This time, Lilly looked at me, but went for another seedling anyway, with the hand that I was holding.

Exasperated, I just said, "Lilly!"

To which she responded, very matter-of-factly, "Mrs. Velarde, my ears heard you, but my hands haven't heard you yet."

What do you say to that???

Me? I just laughed, and carried her to another area of the playground. And then went and replanted what she had pulled out.

And, there is yet another instance where I have been outsmarted by a three year old.




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Don't Worry, I Put it On Vibrate

Last summer, I ran over my cell phone. A rather silly story you can read about here. My husband pieced it back together for me, and even though it never worked again, it looked like it should. It had been sitting on my desk, useless, for months (I am not one to really ever put things away...) when it hit me that I could put the useless cell phone in my dramatic play center. The kids would probably like it. I wrote "Pretend phone" on the back of it and tossed it in to the center.

It didn't take them long to discover it. At first, they tried to return it. ("Mrs. V., some grown up lost a cell phone"), but when I told them it was for them to play with, the imaginations took off. Next thing I know they are calling me, calling each other, making appointments and texting. It was interesting how they were able to hold the phone in the proper texting position, and their thumbs would fly.

One morning, we were walking to music class (which is in a different room), and I saw one of my students pull the play cell phone out of his pocket and push a few buttons. When he saw me looking at him, he said, "Don't worry, I put it on vibrate." Well, good, I thought, at least it won't ring during class.

During class, as we were dancing around the room, the keeper of the phone suddenly stopped what he was doing, pulled the phone out of his pocket, and started pressing some buttons. He looked up and said to me, "That was just my dad, he texted me."

I said, "Did you tell him we were in music class?"

"Yes, I am going to call him back later."

And sure enough, later on the playground, I found him underneath the slide, "talking" to his dad on the broken cell phone.



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You Belong in Preschool

This past weekend my family and I went camping with a group of friends. Correction - the friends were camping, my family and I met them at the campsite and spent the day. I...am not a camper. Sleeping in a tent? On the ground? In the cold? With bugs? Um...not for this preschool teacher. Blegh.


Anyways, back to my story. Because it is such a small world, a family that attends the preschool was camping in this group we met up with, they were friends of friends, you know how it goes. I was interested to see how the little preschool student would react to seeing me there.


Because, preschoolers always get a little weirded out when they see their teachers outside of school. They are either terrified, or beyond excited. And if you look the slightest bit different, they quite possibly won't even recognize you.


Example: I was running in the park across the street from my house and playing in the park was one of my students. I was wearing my glasses (I wear contacts usually at school), a hat, workout clothes, and no make-up. I go up to this little girl to say, "Hi!". She took one look at me and screamed, "I DON"T KNOW YOU! GO AWAY!" and ran and hid behind her mother. This same little girl spent 45 minutes on my lap a mere three hours prior to this encounter. But outside of school sans make-up I went from beloved teacher to scary stranger. And this is pretty much how it goes.


So, at the campsite, I was wondering how little Sara was going to react. At first she didn't even give me a second glance. I was just another adult among many. An hour or so later she walked by, giving me the hairy eyeball...you could just see her brain working. A few hours in she walks up to me and just stood there.

Me: "Hi Sara!"

Sara: *glare*

Me: "Are you having fun?"

Sara: more glaring

Me: "Do you know who I am?"

Sara: "You...you....YOU BELONG IN PRESCHOOL!!"

Me: "But I am camping with you right now"

Sara: "Oh, ok. Could you tell Shawn to share his ball with me then?"


I am happy to report that Sara and Shawn worked things out, ball-wise, without my help.






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The Rules of the Playground

As the school year starts, my little students are inundated with new information and new experiences. Because they are so overwhelmed, I try not to say "No" to them too often, instead using their actions as an opportunity to teach them about how things work in preschool.

"At school, if you want a toy your friend is playing with, we don't take it from them and then hit them with it."

"At school, tables are for coloring and gluing on, not jumping off of."

"At school, we use crayons for coloring on paper, not coloring on the walls."

But I do have some hard and fast rules on the playground, rules that need to be adhered to. There are only three, and after the first couple weeks of school, my students can recite them to me.

1. No standing on the tire swing; it only took one child going to the emergency room to have me be very stringent about this rule.

2. No throwing sand; if you have ever gotten sand in your eyes, you know that this is a biggie. And while it is hard to get sand out of my own eyes, it is truly nightmarish to have to hold down a three year old to rinse out his eyes.

3. No putting sand in the water fountain. Kids love playing with sand and water, and it is a natural inclination to use the water fountain to get water for that type of play. The only hitch is that when sand gets into the water fountain, it ceases to function. And a water fountain is a big necessity on a playground when the temperatures go up to 112 degrees. So, we tell the kids, if you need water, ask one of us and we will turn on the hose.

We are well into our third month of school, and my students shout these rules to me every day as we are about to go onto the playground. Occasionally, I will ask them why these rules are in place. Last week, I got the standard answers....

"Why don't we stand on the tire swing?"

"It's not safe!"

"Why don't we throw sand?"

"It hurts when it gets in your eyes!"

"Why don't we put sand in the water fountain?"

Now, the reasoning for this one is admittedly a little beyond my students' grasp. In general, I get some blank stares, and I remind them that if they need water, to come get me or another teacher to turn on the hose. But this time, when I posed the question, a particularly astute student shouted out...

"Because it is a drinking fountain!"

A sea of light bulbs went on over my students' heads. They all got why that rule was so important now. Of course you don't put sand in a drinking fountain - that is silly!

A little boy then asked, "Why do you call the drinking fountain the water fountain?" I don't know, I told him, but from now on that is what I am going to call it.

And funny, this year, the drinking fountain has had less sand issues so far than in years past. Funny, how one word can make such a difference. And amazing how a three year old thought of it.



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And So We Start Again

This summer I had the amazing opportunity to attend Steve Spangler's Science in the Rockies, an amazing three day conference that taught me how to make science an exciting experience for kids. Check out Steve's website here: http://www.stevespanglerscience.com/. Also, to see photos and video of what I, my colleagues and 175 other teachers did, visit here: http://web.mac.com/stevespanglerscience/SITR2008/Friday.html.

Steve Spangler is quite a guy. He has that passion for teaching that those of us who love what we do can relate to. Every aspect of his presentation was how to get the kids involved, and how to make it all about the kids.

Along with obtaining an enormous amount of information about science, Steve said something that really resonated with me. He said that if a teacher isn't nervous about the new school year starting, then it is time for that teacher to retire.

Well, my new school year starts in 10 more sleeps, and I am nervous as all get out. Guess that means I have at least another year in me.

This will be my sixth year doing this, a relatively short time on the one hand, but long enough to have gained some confidence on the other. And I am confident that I have some wonderful things planned (we're talking lots of science, people! Science in preschool - how cool will that be?). I am confident that I am able to talk the language of the three year old, and I am confident that most of the stuff that has been awesome in the past will most likely be awesome this year.

Why am I nervous? What if the class doesn't "gel"? What if my ability to communicate with a three year old suddenly fails with this new group of kids? What if they suddenly realize I am not all that cool? What if they don't think I'm funny? What if they aren't potty trained? What if I suddenly become incontinent? What if more than a couple of them are biters, or spitters, or temper tantrum throwers (I can handle two or three, more than that, I need reinforcements).

I work in a cooperative preschool. This means that the parents are part of the teaching team, they are part of their children's education. At least one parent is in the classroom with me every day. Pretty awesome, but a lot of my nerves come from wondering what the parents are thinking about me.

The first few weeks in my class are chaos. A wonderful, loud, unorganized, chaos. I give the kids time and freedom to explore their classroom. Little by little we get down to business, eventually a routine is achieved, but I leave a lot of that up to the kids. For example, I might have written on my daily schedule 15 minutes for music. But if the kids have found a musical groove, I am not going to cut things short just because time's up.

I am nervous that parents aren't going to get that. That the chaos will drive them nuts. And they won't understand how important it is. I try to give everyone a head's up before school starts, and I hope that each and every parent that walks into my classroom will experience the absolute joy of watching their child learn how to navigate in this new environment.

You know what? I am nervous. But I am also really excited. I absolutely love what I do, and I simply can't wait to get to know my new students, and their families, and have yet another incredible year together. All that other stuff? I can handle it - except maybe the incontinence, but hopefully I have a year or to left before that becomes an issue for me. Maybe when that happens, the nervousness will have worn off and it will be time for me to find a new career. Spokesperson for Depends, perhaps?

Mommy, Don't Leave!

Separation anxiety.

I always tell people that my oldest daughter had terrible separation anxiety. That it was hard for her to be away from me. When she started preschool, it was terrible - she would cry and beg me to stay, and I would, sometimes for the whole day.

Looking back, I now think it was me with the separation anxiety. I hated leaving my daughter with anyone that wasn't me - only I knew what was best for my child. No one could possibly understand her as well as I could, and take care of her needs the same way that I could. That list of no one included her father, her grandparents, and pretty much anyone who wasn't me. Obviously, I thought quite highly of myself.

When it was time to start preschool, I had done my homework. I researched (at the library, no less, this was back when AOL was new-fangled) and studied about all the different types of preschools there were - and there were, and are still, many different schools of thought in the preschool world. Montessori, cooperative, Reggio Emilio, Waldorf - yikes! But I studied each one and visited countless preschools. The school I finally chose - where I teach now - offered a warm, loving environment, had a cooperative philosophy, and was highly recommended by not only parenting publications in my area, but other parents. I visited this school a number of times, with my daughter, and felt really good about my decision.

Then why couldn't I leave her? Why did I have to stay with her and hold her hand? Because she was crying, and what kind of mom would I be if I left her when she was crying?

As the time for beginning preschool approached, I had numerous conversations with my daughter about preschool. I talked a lot about how big she was, how she would make lots of friends, how much I would miss her and how I would count the minutes until I came to pick her up. Looking back - I gave a lot a baggage to a three year old; did she really need to feel responsible for me missing her? Or that I would be so lonely I would count minutes until she was back with me again? No wonder she cried, and didn't want me to leave.

And during these crying sessions at drop off, I would hold her and cry too, more often than not. I would tell her that school is really short, and that I would be back real soon. I even promised her I would wait in the car, and wouldn't leave in case she needed me. And believe it or not, I did just that.

So, what did I teach my daughter in those early years? That it was her job to make me happy. That I was not OK when she was at school. That it wasn't OK for her to be away from me, because I was sad. That she should be with me and not at school. That she was responsible for my happiness.

OK, guilt maybe forcing me to lay it on a bit thick, but when I look back to my daughter's first year of preschool, I cringe. Here I was, trying to be perfect Mom, and really, I was not making an important transition in my daughter's life very easy. Hindsight being what it is, I know now that the transition was mine too. I needed to accept that in order for my daughter to be self-confident and self reliant, that I had to allow her to be around another people. I had to trust my decisions, and allow her to venture off on her own. And I had to accept the fact that my way was NOT the only way. As a matter of fact, the more people she was exposed to, the more well-rounded and self-confident she would become.

I am lucky that my daughter's first teacher was a patient and kind woman who had experienced exactly what I was going through. She held my hand, after weeks of my angst, and assured me that if my daughter didn't stop crying in 20 minutes, that she would call me. But she was certain that if I simply said, "Good-bye, I will see you when school is over", and left - the campus - that my daughter would be fine. And eventually the tears would stop, and before I knew it she would run into the classroom without a backwards glance.

And you know what? She was right.

Mobile Sensory Experience...Continued

During the last week of school, we always have a Pajama Day. And this day is exactly what it sounds like - we all wear our pajamas to school. And everyone must wear their jammies, including me as well as the parents that are working in the classroom that day.

Pajama Day always stresses me out. Even though I know it is coming, I am always caught off guard, and find myself running to Wal-mart the night before to purchase myself appropriate jammies. Because, seriously, who wants to see me wearing a ratty t-shirt over my husband's boxers?

This year I purchased a night shirt and some "sleep pants". Which I guess is the new term for "soft comfortable jammie bottoms that you wear to bed". I felt I was dressed ok for preschool - nothing showing that shouldn't, and all embarrassing lumps properly camouflaged. Yep, I was feeling pretty good.

Until I got to school. I was laying on one of the tables in my room (see, here's the thing about wearing pajamas to work - you feel sleepy all day. I had set my room up, and then was compelled to lay on the table because I was just....so....tired....). I was laying there, on my side, talking to one of my coworkers (school had not yet started), when her son, a former student, walked up and started punching my behind. At my repeated requests to PLEASE STOP, he then started pinching my bottom. "It is so soft and fluffy!" was his justification for his actions. Eventually, I did get up, but for the rest of the day, every time this little guy saw me, he poked me in the bottom.

Later on, during school, we were watching The Wiggles (of course) - we always watch a movie on Pajama Day - and I was laying on my side on the floor with my students. One little girl was leaning on my stomach ("I love how it feels like a pillow") and several kids were sitting behind me. When, suddenly, the kids behind me started poking my behind. Then they were pinching it. And finally, I sit up and ask, "Why are you guys doing that?" Their answer? "Because it looks so soft and squishy."

Ahh yes, what every woman wants to hear about her bottom. Apparently, that Buns of Steel workout that I did that one time in 2004 didn't do its job. And sleep pants, apparently emphasize the soft and squishy qualities of my Buns of Fluff.

I pondered making this my last Pajama Day, but decided against it after I heard from parents how the kids had picked out their pajamas for the day weeks in advance (a big deal at three and four). The kids arrived at school, wearing their special jammies, excited to show me and their friends their awesome pj's. Most of the jammies had a special significance..."my aunt bought them for me," "I pretend I am Spiderman when I wear these," "I am a princess in this night gown," "my sister let me wear her favorite nightshirt."

So, because the kids love it, I will continue Pajama Day, but maybe next year try something other than sleep pants? A thong? Hmmm....where did I put that Buns of Steel dvd??

Overheard in Preschool

Brody: I am going to the Diamondbacks game tonight, and I am going to eat dinner there!

Mrs. A: (joking) Wow, Brody - are you going to have a hot dog and beer?

Brody: I don't like beer.

Henry: I like bee-yah! (raising hand excitedly)

Brody: Henry, you need to give that up, it's bad for you.

They've All Gone Crazy!

As I have mentioned before, it is currently spring in Arizona, my favorite time of year. (I do really love summer as well, I am one of about 12 people who live in this state that actually enjoys the triple digit temperatures). With spring comes absolutely glorious weather, beautiful desert blossoms, itchy eyes and runny noses, and a classroom full of three year olds that have gone absolutely bonkers.

And for whatever reason, every year I am completely unprepared, even though once it happens, I say, “Well, it’s spring.“

My job as a teacher of three year olds is to get them ready for the big school. And by get them ready, I mean get them ready socially and emotionally. As my director says, “Once they are able to navigate successfully among their peers, they become sponges for learning.”

We spend a lot of time at the beginning of the school year learning how to be a good friend. We learn that just because you want something doesn’t mean you can grab it from your friend’s hand. Then bonk her over the head with it for good measure. We learn that sharing doesn’t mean you get the toy NOW. Sharing is waiting until the friend is done with his turn. We learn that hitting is not an effective way to communicate your frustration. Nor is spitting, biting or pinching. We learn that when you get that funny feeling, you go to the potty - not simply drop your pants wherever you happen to be standing (boys - it is not how we water the garden!)

One of the most rewarding things about teaching this age is watching them internalize all the tools we give them, and start to put them to use. I have a little girl this year who would spit or hit when she got mad at her friends. Not long ago, she came to me and said, “Jane took the doll out of my hand. I almost spit on her but then I decided that I should tell her that I wanted the doll back.” It is moments like this that show me that they are putting what I am trying to teach them to good use.

By March, I feel like I am on cruise control. The kids know how to handle themselves with their friends, and we are able to delve more seriously into academics. I was just about to start my unit on quantum physics, when the week started - the week where everything we had learned was forgotten, the week that caused me to sprout 100 new gray hairs (hello? Salon? Get the hair dye ready!), the week when they all went crazy. Behaviors that I hadn’t seen in 5 or 6 months reappeared, and caught me completely off guard…

“That's my toy!"

“He took my toy"

"She looked like she was about to take my toy so I slapped her ear!"

"I peed my pants"

“The garden needed water”

As I pulled a child down from the rafters from which she was swinging, I looked at the parent that was working in my classroom and together we said, “It’s spring!” I herded the wild animals that were formerly my class out the door and let them run free. Exactly what they needed.

I have started doing an informal research study. Is it just my class that goes crazy at this time of the year? Is there a fundamental flaw in my teaching style? Preliminary findings indicate no. On the day I took my class outside early, the rest of the school was on the playground as well, the teachers draped over various playground structures looking a little dazed. My son’s first grade teacher says his class is also reverting back to beginning of the year behavior. (Actually, he said “your son” as opposed to “his class”, but if I use the entire class in my data pool, the results end up that much more in my favor.). A friend of mine teaches junior high. Her students go a little wild this time of year also - except their behavior is more along the lines of belly shirts and barely there shorts with thongs showing over the top. Yikes. I’ll take peeing in the garden over that anytime.

The week from hell has passed, and the kids are back on track. I did scrap the quantum physics unit in favor of insects, and fun is being had by all.